Method 1 of 2:Moving Past Your Emotional Trauma
1. Give yourself time to heal.
Being cheated on is a serious breach of trust that you probably won’t get over very quickly. Don’t expect to bounce back from being cheated on right away. Instead, give yourself time to recover emotionally and feel your feelings.
If the person who cheated on you is pushing for you to forgive them, ask them to respect your boundaries and give you time to heal.
2. Practice self care by making time for yourself.
Self care looks different for everyone. It can be taking a warm bath, reading a good book, going shopping, or watching your favorite movie. Set aside some time for yourself at least once a week to rest and recuperate as you recover from this emotional trauma.
Make sure that your self care activity is relaxing and enjoyable for you.
3. Remind yourself that being cheated on wasn’t your fault.
It can be easy to blame yourself when your partner cheats on you. Try to remind yourself that it was your partner’s choice alone to break the boundaries of your relationship. Even if you were having problems within your relationship, there is no excuse for cheating on someone.
Remembering this takes time and effort. Don’t be discouraged if you fall into the trap of blaming yourself.
4. Spend time with your friends and family.
Your loved ones can make you feel better about your situation and give you some different perspectives on what you’re going through. Make time to hang out with your close friends and family. You can talk about what you are going through with them or just enjoy their company as a nice distraction.
Your friends and family may encourage you to leave your relationship once they find out you have been cheated on. If you don’t want to end your relationship, ask your loved ones to respect your decision and give you space to work on the bond between you and your partner.
5. Seek help from a mental health professional if you need outside support.
Method 2 of 2:Repairing Your Current Relationship
The best way to regain trust is to have your partner be overly open and honest about every aspect of their daily life. Ask them to tell you about minor things that don’t have to do with your relationship, like cheating on their diet or getting a speeding ticket. Let your partner know that even though it may seem like overkill, this total openness is the only way to regain your trust.
Even white lies should be out of bonds during this period of total honesty.
Rigorous honesty is not easy and may not be enjoyable for you or your partner. However, it is the only way to establish trust in the relationship after being cheated on.
You could present this to your partner by saying, “One way we could potentially work past this issue is if you are totally and completely honest with me all the time. This means little things, like forgetting to take the trash out, as well as things that affect our relationship. I think this could help to re-establish some trust within our relationship.”
2. Request access to your partner’s phone and computer.
If you are doubtful about your partner’s ability to change, you can ask them to give up their passwords to their phone, computer, or any other electronic device that they use regularly. If your partner really wants to repair your relationship, they should be understanding as to why you want to invade their privacy like this.
After you have re-established trust in your relationship, it is fine to give your partner back their privacy.
You could ask your partner to do this by saying, “In order for me to trust you again, I think I need to be able to access your phone and computer. This won’t be a forever thing, but I’d like to be able to check up on you if I have any doubts.”
3. Tell your partner to change their behaviors that led to cheating.
If your partner had an affair with one particular person, you might request that they stop seeing this person all together. If they were seeking out relationships online, you might ask that they stop using social media for a while. Make sure your partner knows that cheating is not okay and that they should stop seeking out partners besides you.
You can tell your partner this by saying something like, “You were using social media inappropriately and it led to you cheating on me. I’d like you to stop using social media until we have re-established boundaries and trust within our relationship.”
4. Go to couple’s counseling for professional help.
Sometimes relationships need an unbiased perspective to heal. An effective way to re-establish trust in a relationship is to go to a couple’s therapist or counselor to talk about your issues with a third party. They can give advice on how to improve your communication and work on your relationship so that cheating doesn’t happen in the future.
It is important for both you and your partner to be open and honest during counseling in order for it to work.
If your partner is hesitant to go to counseling with you, remind them that you are trying to work on re-establishing trust and you think that this could help.
5. End the relationship if you don’t think you can forgive your partner.
It is not fair to yourself or your partner to continue a relationship that doesn’t have a future. If you’ve tried to forgive and forget and you still find yourself holding on to hurt feelings, it may be time to end the relationship. Talk to trusted friends and do some soul-searching before you make this decision.
Every relationship is different. Only you know if you will be able to continue a relationship with your partner after they cheat on you.
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