Throwaway because I could never post this on my main and I feel like I just need to talk about it.
I 16f have sold myself online to older men and I feel heavy shame because of it. For context, I spent a year and some months selling myself online and drinking, and just overall making horrible decisions. I even got leaked before on a website and still didn’t stop, I’d entertain the men and spend weeks speaking to them. I’d bait them with photos of myself or make very flirty posts. I even had some dude paying me daily just for photos.
I just wanted someone to care about me, and treat me like I mattered. Plus I needed money and thought it’d be a fun way to do that. I grew up in a very heavily abusive home, something inside of me has truly broke and I feel that I’ll never be the same again. I even almost ran away to live with a older guy, I would think about wanting to spend my life with older men. I’m currently in therapy now but I haven’t disclosed this to her and I don’t think I will until I’m a lot older.
(thanks for the kind words everyone!! This was hard to talk about as I’ve harbored shame because of it for a long time. Everyone telling me to tell my therapist needs to understand that some therapists aren’t built for complex trauma and behavior. That’s why I’m seeking a new one.)
