So a couple months ago my partner brought up the idea of a threesome and how it’d recently been on their mind. I said I wasn’t sure but I’d give it some thought and let them know whether I’d be open to it or not. We did talk about it and how’d it ideally go down and such but no actually agreement to do it (I hadn’t officially said yes to it since I wanted time to think).
We ended up having some friends over who were on and off with each other and had some drinks while playing a card game. As the we drank more and the cards got more explicit we entered some territory that I was okay with, passing paper with our mouths, lap dances, etc but we did mostly do them with our respective partners.
Then we did it again the next day and ventured into doing it with others and that’s when it went bad. I gave my consent and agreed to play the game and do stuff and what not, but I watched this other person kiss and grind on my partner and I felt terrible.
And besides that, the other person in the group, that wasn’t my partner or the person who grinded on them, was also only into their partner. So it became a thing of my partner and this other person on this one person and me sitting there. I know everyone was quite drunk but my god did I feel like shit.
I know I agreed to it and I gave the go ahead but now I can’t get those images out of my head and I’ve tried my best to get over it but I can’t. I have no one to talk to about this because my partner doesn’t think about that time and they’re obviously not affected the way I am because they weren’t put in the position that I was in. It’s not like I didn’t try to do stuff or insert myself but it just wasn’t happening and when it did happen it was after all that stuff I mentioned.
It’s been months and I just needed to get it off my chest because I literally cannot tell anyone else. At this point I’m thinking the best thing to do is see a therapist and workout to get some of my self esteem back but I worry that won’t help either. I won’t know till I try, but I’m an anxious person and I worry a lot about everything. I have an idea of what most or a lot of the advice on here may be like but I’d like to hear ideas of what I can do to get over this. Also, we haven’t done anything like that since and are not planning to. And that also I feel that my higher libido also contributes to how I feel because when my partner rejects/puts down my advances it feels like an attack on me/or a lack of attraction when I know that’s not the case. Just a lot of inner work I need to do, but it’s tough.
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