I have been devastated for the past few months for doing the worst, lowest thing I have ever done. I’m not even someone who uses people’s trauma against them because I know how that feels.
My ex of three years (27M) and I (22F) have been on and off for some time. We trusted each other with nearly everything. Things seemed to be going well for a while, but eventually we started bumping heads more and more, to the point where we were fussing almost constantly.
One bad habit I developed was repeatedly blocking him whenever we argued. Instead of resolving things, I would just shut down and block him when I got overwhelmed or angry.
Over time, the arguments became more intense. One day things escalated and I texted him something unbelievably cruel during an argument. I told him he should die like his mom. His mom had passed away, and he had trusted me with that trauma before.
The second I sent it, I realized it was horrible and not worth it. I unsent the message almost immediately, but he had already seen and read it.
The moment it happened I regretted it, but obviously you can’t take something like that back. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone in my life. I honestly shocked myself.
It’s been months and I still feel horrible about it. I know people say things they don’t mean when they’re angry, but that doesn’t feel like a good enough excuse to me. I keep thinking about how I hurt someone who trusted me with something so painful.
I did apologize, but I still feel like I crossed a line that you just shouldn’t cross. I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s been eating at me ever since.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to admit it somewhere.
