I serviced my cousin when he was in hospital, now I can’t make eye contact.

My cousin experienced a pretty traumatic car accident that was horrific. He had such severe leg injuries that they believed he would never walk again, there was scarring, minor spinal cord damage and head trauma… The car flipped, he was lucky to survive. After a few weeks in hospital, he grew depressed. His girlfriend at the time left, and he went on often and loudly how he’d never meet another woman again because of his injuries and whatnot. He said he was getting pent up and stir crazy from sitting in the hospital 24/7.

He asked me what was going on in my love life, and I said I was in a dry spell, and he made a joke, something like “if you’re in a dry spell, I’m lost in the desert.” I teased him a little, I can’t remember what I said, something about how if he tried to be intimate in his state he’d probably injure himself more. And he said some quip about how it’s pretty hard to hurt himself getting oral.

We went back and forth, and our little quips and jokes turned more and more suggestive, and we started talking about him “relieving tension” himself, and he said something like “You’re the only thing I’ve got to look at!” and I flashed him and teased him asking if he’s suggesting “these” (as in my chest) weren’t good enough to get off to.

He kind of got a little less fun, his smile dropped a little, and he replied – kind of joking but like it also felt a little serious – that it was mean to tease me when he was ‘helpless’ and I remember putting my hand over his underwear, under his gown, and telling him I like helping, and we just stared at each other for a moment, like “Is this happening?” and then as I felt a “reaction” from him, I proceeded.

For a little while, every visit I satisfied him orally or with my chest. I got a thrill from doing something so risky, trying not to get caught while doing it, that sort of thing. Nurses (who obviously had no idea, obviously) started praising me, going on about how he looked forward to my visits more than anything and how I kept him motivated and inspired to recover and how it was making a big difference.

Eventually he started getting better and visits became more infrequent, and once he was out of the hospital and able to walk (with a mobility device) we stopped altogether, and eventually went on with our lives. Now when we see each other it’s awkward and we can’t make eye contact.

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