I’ve been with my wife over 15 years. A couple of years ago we were on the couch, she was scrolling Facebook and messages and I saw a Facebook message from a guy we’ll call J that said “😍”.
I told her what I saw and she explained it was an ex-boyfriend fork over 20 years ago who reaches out every now and again saying how much he still loves her. I asked if I could see their message history and she let me see immediately. It was exactly like she said, every year or two he reaches out with a paragraph about how much he still loves her and wants to see her. She doesn’t message him much. Once every few times he reaches out she’ll say something like “Merry Christmas J”.
What I learned about J is that they only dated a handful of times over half a summer. Also, he’s an extremely far right wing conspiracy theorist, as in, he posted about how Biden created hurricanes to kill conservatives.
We had a few conversations about it, she agreed to block him. We agreed that occasional connections was likely leaving the door open for him to shoot his shot. It only took a few months, but then he texted her for the first time since we’ve been together in her phone – same thing, still loves her, still remembers ____ about her, etc., oh, and he had a traumatic brain injury from military service. She blocked his number.
She recently got a new phone, it did not transfer over blocked numbers, he texted again – “I miss you” and a picture of a random house. It’s not anywhere she’s lived, it’s not his address, we don’t know what the picture is of. Maybe it was sent by mistake, maybe it means something to him, maybe he thinks it’s or house, it’s up for speculation, but it’s odd.
She wants to block and forget about him. Im worried about his inability to get the hint, the escalation to try to new method of contact when he realized he was blocked, the TBI, the extreme belief system, the strange picture of the house. I think he should be given a clear boundary – “please don’t contact me again, I’m not interested in further communication”. A guy like this, I’m worried that someone like this could be a step away from googling our address and coming to our house thinking he’s going to win her back.
Curious for some insight. Am I overreacting? Is setting a boundary a good idea for safety? Or should I not worry so much about it.
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