I (25F) had sex with my boyfriend (27M) last night fueled by my attraction to my doctor coworker (M40s?).
To start off, I’m in a very healthy, strong relationship and have absolutely no urge or plan to act on my attraction. Tyler, let’s call him, is also married and has always been professional with me.
Context: Tyler is a young doctor who’s really successful, really intelligent, and really attractive. I first interviewed with Tyler for the job I’m currently at a few months ago, and at the time I thought he was physically attractive but didn’t think much of it. At first I was nervous around him because I truly thought he didn’t like me based on how serious and unemotional he was at the interview/when I onboarded (likely due to how busy he was) but he’s chilled since then. I only see him a few times a month, but whenever I do, I admittedly get those butterflies in my stomach and very weirdly horny.
Just this past week, I was encouraged to apply for an internal position in one of Tyler’s research labs by a fellow coworker. To be clear, its a great opportunity that pays really well, is aligned with my future goals, and I’d see Tyler about the same amount that I already do (maybe less), so no, he is not the reason I applied. Anyway, I interviewed with him and others, and he was less intense this time around. He was only able to stay in my interview for a few minutes due to him traveling, so he teams messaged me asking if I’d be able to meet with him briefly when he got back from his trip to talk a little more about the position.
Yesterday, I circled back with him since he was on site, and let him know that I had some free time to resume the conversation. I’m really nervous because 1. it’s still a short interview, 2. my attraction to him. We agree on a time and I go to knock on his office. He opens and asks me “How much time do you have?” I tell him 15 min. He asks “Want to go on a walk?” I know this is pretty innocent still, but I felt even more nervous and butterflies in my stomach. Same feeling you’d get on a “date”, even though I wholeheartedly know it’s not even remotely like it.
He took me on his “stress-relieving walk” which is just a short, small trail near the building that I and other coworkers have walked before. This would be the longest conversation I’d have with him at this point, and it was professional, but friendly too. We talked about the position, he said he wouldn’t make the final decision and that only time would tell and etc. Then we talked about our interests and he mentioned hiking, so I very appropriately asked if him and his wife hiked, I told him that my boyfriend is about to go on a hiking trip, etc etc etc. I wanted to be as normal as possible. The tension on my end was heavy but I obviously doubt it goes both ways. It was the first time I’d seen him smile at me so much and we were laughing, sharing interests and stuff so I was having a great time. At some point I mentioned how training my replacement would be easy since my job is not super complicated, and he responded with “That’s easy for you to say because you’re so intelligent.” I understand how normal of a response that can be from a boss, but I have a huge praise kink and got so turned on from it and the overall pleasantness of the whole talk. After the walk I was so, so horny.
I was so horny the last hour of work and on my drive home, that as soon as I got home I had sex with my boyfriend. It wasn’t during the whole act, but there were moments in the beginning where I was definitely thinking of Tyler and I guess kind of fantasizing. I felt ashamed knowing why I was turned on and of the thoughts I had during it, and my boyfriend having no clue. I worry that this is a terrible thing on ny part.
Again, I have absolutely NO intention of ruining mine, my boyfriend’s, or Tyler’s life by doing or saying something stupid, and I’m so perfectly happy with my partner in every way. I do however feel like this crush will eventually die organically and with time.
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